Thankful to...

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone.

Remember, there is always an object to thankfulness. A general feeling of thankfulness is the popular sentiment of Thanksgiving. But what is that? If you give thanks, you must give it to someone. So remember to take some time today to thank the Lord, whose face shines on his people in so many ways.

Psalm 67
To the Choirmaster: With Stringed Instruments. A Psalm. A Song.

1 May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face to shine upon us, Selah

2 that your way may be known on earth,
your saving power among all nations.

3 Let the peoples praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you!

4 Let the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you judge the peoples with equity
and guide the nations upon earth. Selah

5 Let the peoples praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you!

6 The earth has yielded its increase;
God, our God, shall bless us.

7 God shall bless us;
let all the ends of the earth fear him!

The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

It's been 24 hours since I ran the Harrisburg Marathon, and I have been trying to decide if saying that it's the hardest thing I've ever done is an overstatement. But I think it's probably correct to say that the last nine miles of this race were the mentally and physically most taxing accomplishment of my 32 years. In my four years of high school football I'm sure I came close to the physical fatigue of this race, but I did not have the mental anguish. Conversely, my graduate studies posed signnificant mental hurdles, but you don't have to jog 26 miles when writing your 80 page paper. So I think it's safe to say the last nine miles of this marathon have no true equal in my life.

The race was fun for the first 13 miles. It was a beautiful day: 63 degrees, partly sunny, no wind, fall colors, lots of cheering spectators including my wife, who surprised me by showing up several times throughout the course. She has really been a great support in this whole journey and it was awesome to have her there.

But I made a few rookie mistakes that really cost me near the end of the race.

The first mistake was starting too close to the front of the pack. I run 10 minute miles pretty consistently, but I started near people who ran nine minute miles or faster. So I was being passed quite a bit, and mentally that caused me to speed up, because it felt like I was going in slow motion. At the five mile mark I was at 45 minutes. That's a nine minute mile. I should have been a half mile back. I was using too much energy trying to maintain a pace for which I hadn't trained.

My second mistake was failing to walk at the water stations long enough. In training I walked for a full minute. But again, no one in the race was walking at the water stations, so I felt compelled, for no reason at all, to walk less at the water.

My third and most fatal mistake was trusting the race organizers when they said there would be gel packs available at the water stations after 13 miles. Gel is a small pack of high carbohydrate and electrolyte ooze that you eat while running to give your muscles energy. Long distance runners have to eat to keep going. I trusted that the gel would be there, but it wasn't. I got one pack at mile 13, but after that no other station had any gel. By mile 17 I could tell I was out of fuel. That's when I started to pray that God would give me strength to finish the final nine miles without the necessary energy. Miles 18-20 were all hills. When I got through those hills I was completely drained without any hope of refueling, and I still had to run six miles.

The final six miles I was in severe pain. Every muscle hurt, including my arms. A headache was forming due to the lack of calories. Everything in me told me to stop, and I had to battle through those thoughts. At one point I just had to tell myself to stop feeling bad about not having the calories, that nothing was going to change my situation, and that if I stopped moving I wouldn't start again. So at mile 21 I just started pushing myself and preaching at myself not to quit moving for any reason. It was a pretty surreal moment.

When I crossed the finish line, all I can remember is people cheering followed by people asking me if I was ok. I must have looked pretty sapped. Rachel came and gave me a big hug, put my medal around my neck, and wrapped a solar blanket around me. At first I couldn't enjoy it because I thought I was going to be sick or collapse. Neither happened.

A friend recently said if you can run a marathon you can do anything. It does feel a little like that now. Right now I can barely stand up, but in a few days I'll be back at it and, who knows, I might even sign up for another one.

Paranoia: 2 Days to 26.2 miles

Even writing this post is adding to the paranoia.


I have a bad back. Normally it's fine, but about twice a year I'll be doing something really strenuous, like breathing or sitting, and all of the sudden my back will wrench itself in some horrible way, forcing me to lay flat for a couple of days. No joke. One time I was eating dinner with some friends. Mid-sentence I was raising my fork to my mouth and it threw my back out.


So since the beginning of this week I have been paranoid that I'll do something totally normal and injure myself before running this marathon. And then 18 weeks of vigorous training will culminate in nothing but a back injury incurred while sleeping (again, I'm not kidding, three weeks ago I tweaked my back while sleeping.)


So if you think of me over the next two days, ask God to protect me from myself until at least Sunday afternoon. Thankfully, I did not injure myself typing this post.

Carb Loading: 4 Days to 26.2 Miles

So this has to be the best/worst week of marathon training. It's like one of those old "Got Milk" commercials. Allow me to explain.

This week I train like a sumo wrestler: I'm supposed to eat carbohydrate rich foods like bread, fruit, pasta, and other stuff that would make Dr. Atkins cringe. I also don't have to run very much. The idea is to fill my muscles with glucose so that I have the energy I need for the race. I'm like a squirrel preparing for winter.

But the problem is that I don't really want to eat. I'm too nervous, so nothing sounds very good. So while I would normally enjoy eating, especially during a week when I can write it off as part of my "athletic lifestyle," I'm not in the mood for anything. So much to eat, but I can't enjoy it. Got milk?

6 Days to 26.2 Miles

This is it. Game week. I've been training for 17 weeks, and next Sunday is the day I run the Harrisburg Marathon. I must admit I'm pretty nervous. But over the last 17 weeks I've learned a few things that have kept me going, and I thought I would share them.

1. I Can Do This

My biggest hesitation back in May/June when I was wringing my hands was the thought, "I really don't think I can do this." The longest I had ever ran was 7 miles, and I knew what that felt like. So I put running 26.2 miles on par with learning to fly an airplane or running for president: a nice idea but not really feasible. At one point early in the training I had to stop 2 times during a 3 mile run because I thought I was going to collapse. I thought a marathon was a fairytale that day.

But now an 8 mile run seems short. Two weeks ago I ran 40 miles during the week, 20 of that at one time! I am simply amazed how discipline can prepare us for the unimaginable.

2. I Can Change

Back in April my doctor said something I thought I would never hear: "Kyle, you're slightly overweight." That was a first, and it pretty much ruined that day for me. Over the last 3-4 years or so I put on 25 pounds, taking me out of my ideal range. But I learned I don't have to accept this as "the new me." Like they say, if you burn more calories than you eat, you will lose weight. And sure enough, I've lost 20 pounds in 17 weeks. I'm at my high school weight! For me it took setting a goal other than weight loss. But I've learned that if I can get the right goal, I can change.

3. Exercise Takes Planning

If I have a long day at work and a long run scheduled, guess which one gets compromised. I figured out that if I'm going to actually run (not just say I am) I have to have both a schedule and a plan for accomplishing it. Of course, the fear of entering a marathon I can't finish keeps me pretty motivated. I'm now really careful to find the time I need to exercise.

4. Physical Fitness is Part of Discipleship

This one deserves its own blog post, but I'll summarize it here. God did not make disembodied spirits. The human body is not a result of the Fall, no matter how bad some of them look. He made us out of matter and breathes life into us. That makes our bodies important, and as unpopular as it is to say it in the church, the disregard many followers of Jesus show for their weight is sinful. Caring for our body is as much a stewardship issue as tithing faithfully or serving in the children's ministry. If God gives it to us, we need to care for it.

I knew this before I started running, but I have really learned it through the whole experience. Beyond health issues, staying fit has given me more energy, which means all the other stuff I do in life as worship to the Lord is higher quality, and that certainly affects my growth in Christ.

Slavery and Myth

Here is a link to a remarkable speech from Joseph D'Souza, a leader in the church of India. In a little over eight minutes, he speaks on the largest source of modern slavery, the caste system and the degradation of the Dalit people. D'Souza gave this speech at the Third Lausanna Congress on World Evangelization, held last month in Cape Town, South Africa.

Reconciliation - Exploited and Oppressed People The Lausanne Global Conversation

Two of his points stand out to me as related and devastating.

Slavery is Founded in Creation Myth
At the base of the evil that causes a person to enslave another person is a belief that each person is created with greater or lesser value. If race is seen as a biological difference that reflects God's value on us, then we are not far from dividing ourselves along the same lines we believe God percieves. And the worst part of this sort of thinking is that our devaluing of another person can then be defended as reflective of our Creator's own design. This is what is happening in India. American slaveholders used the same myth.

The Church is Susceptible to Functioning Under the Same Myth
The consistent message of the Bible is that all humans are made in God's image and this high value in the eyes of God is modeled among his people, who live together and value each other in counter-cultural ways. There is no line that divides us one from another in value. Paul makes this point very carefully in Galatians 3:28-29. God certainly makes us different from each other with differing roles to play, but the value of each person is not determined by role.

And yet, the church gets this wrong so often. I found it chilling to hear D'Souza describe the church graveyard where the dead were divided by caste. Those graves now stand as a permanent reminder that the church can profess equality at the feet of Jesus and yet not allow the Gospel to shatter the sin endemic in so many cultural norms.